


Trust and Acceptance

by IvyCpher



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comfort, Crying, Gen, Gender Issues, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Harry Potter, Supportive Hermione Granger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:27:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24709060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvyCpher/pseuds/IvyCpher
Summary: Harry is confused about whether or not how they feel about their gender is normal. They don't feel like a boy or a girl, they just feel like Harry. Hermione comforts them.
Relationships: Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter
Comments: 10
Kudos: 120





	Trust and Acceptance

Harry sighed as they read the assigned chapter of their charms textbook without taking in any of the words. As of late, they had the hardest time focusing on anything. Their mind was too preoccupied with a very confusing question of its own. It bit and burned in their brain and made their chest feel weird and displaced. Never had Harry had a question like it before and it was starting to bother them.

"Ron-?" Harry asked slowly. They shut their textbook and turned to their friend who was scribbling in the margins of his potion notes. The common room was empty except for them. Hermione had retired to bed nearly an hour ago and even the flames in the fireplace had died.

"Yeah?" Responded Ron without looking up.

"Have…" Harry bit their lip. "Have you felt like you weren't a boy before?"

Quickly, Ron looked up. His nose was scrunched up in confusion. "What? No, 'course not. What else would I feel like, a bird?"

Harry felt their face heat up with embarrassment. They shook their head, "No, I suppose not."

Curiously, Ron looked at Harry for a moment without saying anything. To avoid his gaze, Harry began to pack all of their things into their bag. "I think I ought to get to bed." They said quickly, "Quidditch practice tomorrow. Wood will be angry if I'm not fully awake."

"Yeah-" Shrugging, Ron waved to Harry as they started across the room to the door of the boys' dormitory. "Night, Harry."

"Night." Said Harry, before going up the steps as quickly and quietly as they could. They felt so stupid, they had hoped that what they were feeling was normal but- it seemed like what they were feeling was strange, even for someone in the wizarding world.

Carefully, Harry pushed open the door to their dorm and stepped inside. They stood there a moment, in the dark, and listened. From the sound of snores and slow breathing, they could tell that their roommates were asleep. Sighing with relief at the fact that they wouldn't have to talk to anyone else, Harry dropped their bag on top of the trunk at the foot of their bed. They crawled into bed and closed the hangings before falling back onto the mattress with a dull thud.

Harry felt like crying, but they didn't like to cry, and they didn't want to cry. And usually, Harry was good at not crying. They were used to having to hide their tears at the Dursleys or else they would 'give him something to really cry about'. But right then, Harry couldn't help it. As they laid in bed, their eyes burned with tears and they pulled the comforter up over their head. And under the comforter that soon grew stuffy and hot with their breath, Harry cried as quietly as they could.

Sometimes, Harry found themself feeling like a freak. In a room filled with people, they were the one everyone had their eye on. Just because they were  _ the boy who lived,  _ everyone thought they were some special thing. How would they react if they told them that they didn't want to be 'the boy who lived' anymore? That they would prefer to be the  _ person  _ who lived? Or even, better yet, just Harry Potter, with no scar and a normal family.

But Harry knew they weren't just themself. They could never be themselves in their entire life. They would always be someone else.

The only good thing about crying is that it made you sleepy. That night, Harry fell asleep with a tear stained face and a throbbing headache.

***

The next day wasn't much better for Harry. It was the same as the last few months had been for them, but being distracted and filled with odd thoughts was starting to become their normal whether they liked it or not.

They were on their way to lunch with Hermione and Ron when Hermione stopped them from going into the Great Hall and told Ron to go ahead and save them a space.

"Hermione, what's wrong?" Asked Harry, looking past her and into the Great Hall where Ron was going to the Gryffindor table without them.

Hermione began to pull Harry out of the way of the Great Hall doors, "Actually, Harry, I was going to ask you the same thing." She said, taking them down the hall a bit. "What's the matter?"

Though Harry knew perfectly well what the matter was with them, they didn't want to go through the same shameful embarrassment with Hermione that they went through with Ron the previous night. "Nothing aside from being hungry, I guess." They shrugged, looking down to adjust the strap of their school bag so they wouldn't have to look at her.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Hermione looked Harry up and down. "You've been… Quiet. " She said finally. "Like you're stuck in your head and not here with Ron and I."

Slowly, Harry looked up at her. They bit their lip and could feel their heart racing in their chest. 

"Talk to me, Harry." Pleaded Hermione, reaching out to grab their hand. "I'm your  _ friend.  _ You can tell me anything." She gave them a warm smile.

"Do you…" Harry looked around them, but the hall was empty with everyone at lunch. "How did you know you were a girl?" They asked quickly.

Blinking, Hermione's face took on a confused look. "Well… I was born as a girl." She said slowly. She didn't pull away from Harry, but she looked at them carefully. "Do… Do you feel like a girl, Harry?"

"No," With a shake of their head, Harry sighed. "But I don't feel like a boy either."

"But if you don't feel like a boy or a girl, then what do you feel like?"

"Just… Harry." Harry said slowly. "I feel like me. I don't really feel like a boy or a girl, just… neutral I guess."

For a moment Hermione was silent, then she put her back against the wall and sat down on the floor. She waited until Harry was sitting beside her to speak, "How long have you felt like this?"

Harry absentmindedly played with their hands in their lap, "I don't know… Years I guess, but, for some reason it's been getting worse."

"Feeling like this is a bad thing to you?" Asked Hermione, cocking her head to the side.

"Well…" Harry hesitated, trying to find the right words. In all honesty, they were actually beginning to feel better just being able to talk to Hermione without her making fun of them. They loved Ron, he was their best friend, but he wasn't the most conscious when it came to the sensitivity in a conversation. "Not entirely."

Hermione just gave them a look.

"I mean, it doesn't feel bad I guess." Harry reiterated. "What feels bad is people calling me a boy and referring to me as one too. It makes me feel uncomfortable and really sick."

Hermione nodded slowly. "Then, what do you want to be called, Harry? You don't feel like a girl so I doubt you'd want me to start calling you a  _ 'her'. _ "

Harry stopped playing with their fingers and brought their knees to their chest. "Well… I was thinking about 'they' and 'them'. You know, when you don't  _ know  _ what someone is? Like, 'oh, someone's forgotten  _ their  _ potions homework'. But… I didn't know if anyone would call me by those things."

"I would."

Looking up at her, Harry asked softly, "You would?"

Hermione reached out and put an arm around them. "Of course I would, you're my friend!" She gave them a small smile, "Harry, if you think I wouldn't call you by the pronouns you'd like to be called, then you must be mad."

Unable to help themselves, Harry hugged Hermione tightly. They felt like they might cry, but for the first time in a long while, their tears weren't sad but happy. "Thank you…" They finally managed, taking in a shaky breath. Then they slowly pulled away from Hermione, "Will you… Will you help me explain it to Ron and others too?"

With a smile, Hermione nodded. "Yes." She pushed her hair out her face, "I'll help you, Harry. I know it must be hard to have and tell everyone, but I'll be glad to help. Even with Ron-" She rolled her eyes, "He's so thick sometimes that it's painful."

Laughing softly, Harry nodded. "He tries his best, 'Mione. He's just… something." They stood up and held out a hand to help Hermione up.

" _ 'Something'  _ is certainly putting it lightly," Huffed Hermione, taking their hand. She brushed off her robes from having sat on the floor. "Let's hope he's saved us a seat though."

"Yeah…" Harry smiled. "Just- one thing… Do you think we can  _ not  _ tell Ron just right now?" They asked slowly, looking over their shoulder at the open Great Hall doors. "You know how word spreads in there… If something is supposed to stay secret, of course it gets spread to each table." Though they were glad that Hermione had accepted them and helped them talk through how they felt, they didn't know how Ron would take the idea. Or how loud Ron's confusion could be. "And… It's very hard to talk about…  _ this.  _ It stresses me out, and for now I'd really just be happy to have you and Ron on my side then to have and explain myself to the whole school."

Hermione grabbed their hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "You have enough stress as it is," She said, starting to walk back towards the Great Hall. "We can talk to Ron tonight, I'm sure he'll come to understand you just as easily as I did. We just have to be very precise in how we explain it to him."

Following along beside her, Harry pushed up their glasses. "Thank you again, Hermione." They said as they entered the Great Hall. "For everything."

Hermione smiled at Harry over her shoulder and released their hand, "I'm just doing what any friend should do. Whether or not you identify as a girl or a boy or a neutral state, you're still Harry. You're still my friend and nothing could change that."

Harry had never loved Hermione more than in that moment. Together they both sat down next to Ron at the Gryffindor table. All throughout the rest of lunch, Harry was unable to stop smiling. The horrible feeling and unsettling questions that had plagued their mind were gone, and they knew that if those bad things ever returned that they would have good friends to help them through them.

**Author's Note:**

> Everytime JKR acts like a terf I write more trans HP fics! Harry is too busy being the chosen one to have a gender.
> 
> Next up in thinking of doing some FtM Draco in a drarry setting!
> 
> Comments are very much appreciated!!!


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